I've been known to think too much. I remember when I was young women and having my first child. I could not buy enough books on the subject. Wanting to know every detail of development and my role in creating a beautiful, healthy baby. I also remember my mother, who, while listening to my latest diatribe, proceeded to become impatient with my illusions of control and said, "Why don't you just HAVE the baby! I didn't read any books and you and your brother turned out just FINE!" Of course, at the time, I was dismayed at her lack of shared urgency in the matter.
Well, twenty five years later, and I'm still reading books. And I still get caught up from time to time thinking that I somehow "create" or control my world. Thinking is good. Learning from our past, pondering the present and preparing for our future is all good work and needs to be done. But OVER thinking is not good. Thinking that becomes regret or worry is, in my mind, a type of obsession with the idea that we can somehow change the past or manipulate the future. Or that we can even control this very moment. The fact is, we can not.
So, now that I have "over thought" my introduction to this post, where exactly am I going with this?
For the past few days I have been pulled by a very strong desire to write. But what to write is the question that has been giving me great difficulty. The "what" not being a lack of subject matter by any means. In fact, exactly the opposite. Not only is my brain bursting at the seams and overflowing with thoughts that beg to find themselves at the ends of my finger tips and on the screen in front of me. But direction, organization and literary "rule" are constantly trying to herd my chaotic thoughts into concise and purposeful groups. As my husband would say, it's much like herding cats!
Do I pull from the history of past experience? Reiterating lessons learned? Speeches given? After giving one of the keynote addresses at the National Domestic Abuse Conference, I was contacted by a number of people that were interested in co-writing a book with me. Maybe I should go in that direction? Maybe not.
There's always the issue of chronic illness. The devastating affects of being diagnosed with a life long disease and it's affect on self, on family, on life. There are an infinite number of words to be written that could not only bring wisdom, but could offer support and comfort to others on the journey to wholeness.
Or spirituality. One of my favorites. Not the "stuff" of what you believe in, but the state of your mind. Because this, in turn, determines how we live in our world. There is SO much to be written about here. So much to be learned.
Think...think...THINK of what can be written! Well, that I have done, and then some. And I have "thunk" myself right into a state of complete and utter paralysis! Mom, you were so right. As usual! And herein lies the lesson of the day,
That's my plan. That was the thought behind the title to this very blog - One moment One life. All of the ideas listed above have one thing in common. Me. Who's to say what realization lies ahead? What blessing will find it's way on the in breath, or the out breath of this very moment? I didn't set out to write a book or teach a lesson when I started writing almost two years ago on Friends of Theresa. I had one purpose - to share my journey. My biggest obstacle lies in trying to control that journey. It's always has been. I suppose that comes from some sort of fear. Fear that I'm not doing something "right" and the consequences that might have. But there is no right, there is no wrong. There is just this moment.
Thank you Mom. Thanks Shakespeare.
And everyone else that has the courage to just be.